Well today was the worst day of my life.
First, Adam Levine got married. Like, ok. I remember my first supermodel relationship.
Second, I took my 97-year-old grandmother, Granmary, to see Maks and his Dancing With The Stars friends dance.
It was called Ballroom with a Twist. Ugh.
Imagine a senior citizen cruise ship. And it’s entertainment hour. But there’s no ice cream buffet.
That was my Saturday afternoon.
Basically, a bunch of old people crowded into Fair Park Music Hall to watch the three worst TV shows in the history of television come together for one event.
Those shows are American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, and of course, Dancing With The Stars.
Two alums of AI sang in between dances. They sang showtunes. THEY SANG WITHOUT LOVE FROM HAIRSPRAY. IT WAS MISERABLE. The boy was a little light in the loafers and the girl was a little too showgirl. I would tell you their names, but I don’t even have the energy to google it.
The dances were equally as bad. There were hardly any tricks, stunts or jumps. Just that whole flicking-of-the-foot thing.
The entire time.
A guy also breakdanced to Imagine by John Lennon. So there was that.
Also, at one point the girl sang Gravity by Sara Bareilles and dancers danced in the background. I was like ummmmm, did you watch my senior Spring Show DVD because the senior officers did that exact thing. I’m not saying they plagiarized from a high school production, but I’m not saying they didn’t.
Tony is a good dancer. Maks is a good dancer. Karina is a terrific dancer. Cheryl is Cheryl.
I’m going to skip over my opinions on Cheryl because I realize my words won’t make her a better dancer, but OMG. HOW IS SHE STILL ON THE SHOW.
Every little old lady was there to see Maks, including Granmary.
And I do admit I considered purchasing a $200 ticket for backstage passes just to see what the hell Maks is putting out because every woman he comes close to, he dates.
In fact, before the show, I engaged in a conversation with a bunch of women about all the women Maks has dated (Karina, Meryl Davis, Cheryl Burke, Erin Andrews, Kate Upton, JLo, just to name a few).
“He’s the George Clooney of the ballroom.” -someone’s husband chimed in.
Yes, Maks. Ah, Maks. He’s so bad, yet he feels so good. I love when he defends his partner in front of the judges. Mmmm to have a man defend me in front of an editor.
I know I’m not supposed to like him, but I can’t help it.
Doesn’t Jessica Simpson sing a song about that?
When they weren’t dancing, they were talking. It’s obvious Cheryl takes this entire thing way too seriously. Like, HAVE YOU SEEN DWTS, CHERYL? Because it’s kind of a joke.
And speaking of jokes, OMG. Tony made so many inappropriately dumb jokes, including a “Why do they call it ballroom when these pants are so tight” joke and when Cheryl joked the women would get on their knees for a part of some choreography they made the audience learn, Tony said “Well, us guys would like that actually.”
I don’t know if the jokes went over the audience’s head, or they just didn’t think it was funny, but there were crickets.
The audience asked questions. A girl behind me asked a question and Maks came to her to answer it. I snapped a pic.
She asked something about when his dreams came true and I was like ok?????? I know you’re 9, but that’s the best question you could come up with????? Whatever. Maks kissed her because he KISSES EVERYONE.
(I thought for sure there would be a compilation YouTube video of this, but there isn’t. BUT I DID JUST DISCOVER MAKS WAS UKRAINE’S BACHELOR SO BYEBYE WORLD UNTIL I FINISH THAT.)
Basically, I’m pissed I didn’t travel to Winstar to see Derek and Julianne Hough’s show instead of that atrocity.