I Wish I Was Paula Patton

This whole Robin Thicke and Paula Patton fiasco is like a train wreck. Except I typically look away from train wrecks. It’s more like a real-life horrible Lifetime movie starring someone horrible like Tori Spelling or Leann Rimes.

quality

quality

And I don’t know about you, but I’m loving every second of it.

With the start of each new week, there’s a new story. Robin said this at an awards show. He said that during an interview. He released a music video that involves blood and text messages. It’s all so great.

That’s because every woman wants a man to write and sing a song about her, so Paula shouldn’t really be that picky and take what she can get.

Imagine the pure joy Paula is experiencing throughout all of this. Yeah, her husband and father of her children did a cruddy thing (we’re assuming because no one is really sure what he did), but all the while, she gets to sit back and watch her estranged husband try desperately to win her back.

flattered

flattered

“I would be soaking up every second of it.” –Emily Stines

I agree with Emily because I love attention. In any form.

Just imagine being Paula and drinking wine with your girlfriends.

“Oh, what’s new with you?” -Susie

“Well, I got a promotion at work.” -Suzy

“Oh, my estranged husband wrote an entire album about me and is trying to win me back. It’s hilarious and I’m loving every minute of it.” –PAULA EFFING PATTON

Robin claims he hasn’t seen her in four months. Oh. She doesn’t have to see him or talk to him and she gets the benefits of an entire album about her?????

I’m just saying don’t feel sorry for her. We’ve seen this a million times. Innocent girl marries crazy man, they break up, and girl comes out on top. Just look at Nicole Kidman post-Tom Cruise split. She got an Oscar. Patton will most likely get a book deal out of all of this and then Robin will have to move back in with his father because he can’t afford to pay for child support.

thickes

Honestly, I didn’t even know who Paula Patton was before all of this. She was in Mission Impossible and Precious???? Oh, of course. She’s practically a superstar.

pattonandthicke

Keep doing you, Paula. And demand half the profit of his album.

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