TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!!!
No, I didn’t get a job or go on a date. It’s way more exciting than that.
After three LONG months of courting, Derick proposes to Jill!!!!!
If you’re an avid reader of this idiotic blog, then you know Jill recently entered a courtship with Derick. You can read about last week’s episode here.
(Two people have reached out to me to tell me they started watching this show because of my blog posts, so the Duggars either owe me money or one of their sons to marry.)
(Things I would do to be famous: marry a Duggar. I wish this was the most shameful thing on the list.)
First blaring observation of this episode is that Jim Bob has gained weight. Like whoever’s jurisdiction it is to keep a stock of donuts for Jim Bob needs to lighten up because it ain’t cute. Maybe Michelle isn’t pregnant because she won’t sleep with that gut??????? Just a thought.
Derick comes over to ask Jim Bob for Jill’s hand — in marriage. Jim Bob kind of acts like the Bachelor and makes Derick wonder if he’s going to get the rose. He talks a lot, asks how he is going to provide for his sweetheart, and then is like, OK I GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO PROPOSE TO HER.
But at one point, Jim Bob says, “Her whole future is wrapped up in who she marries.”
I’m going to leave that there and not even comment on it.
Second observation: JESSA GOT BANGS!!!!!
With each episode, I’m convinced Jessa is the only sane one in this family. While everyone is in New York for the older girls’ book tour, Michelle decides to take the older girls to a bridal shop. Ok????? Then she TRIES to convince Jill and Jessa to try on dresses because they’re in courtships and it will be fun and this isn’t weird at all.
Well Jill does try one on and it’s ugly because if you’re a Duggar girl, you can’t show more than part of your neck. But Jessa says she won’t try one on until she has a ring on her finger.
After wedding dress shopping, the family is at Barnes and Noble for their book signing. And in the middle of it, Jill gets a video call from Derick and she DROPS EVERYTHING TO ANSWER IT. Like, I’m sorry. You can’t just do that. You have dedicated fans that waited a long time to see your curly hair in person. Derick can wait.
But he can’t wait. So much in fact, he’s going to propose after only three months of courting and going on chaperoned dates. (When you know you know you know you know you know?) These two kids are really in love. I honestly don’t understand how one girl can like a guy that much.
“If I had all the time in the world, I would spend it with him.” –Jill
“If I had all the time in the world, I would spend it alone.” –Me
The book tour is over and we see Derick spending about 8 minutes too long discussing with his mom how to propose (#mamasboy). Where should I hide the ring? How do I open a ring box?
Then he says something. Something that makes the entire episode suddenly worth all the misery.
“Jill always says, ‘I’m gonna know when you’re about to propose because you’re gonna have a bulge in your pocket.’”
HAHAHA BECAUSE THE RING BOX WILL MAKE A BULGE IN YOUR POCKET AND OMG DID DERICK REALLY JUST SAY THAT IN FRONT OF HIS MOM AND WHY DIDN’T SHE LAUGH AND I CAN’T BREATHE.
I honestly don’t know what happened after that because I was too busy dying and freaking out via text with Katie Johnson. But then I was jolted back to life when he said something else.
After Jill and Derick ate, they were walking to the place of proposal. Derick didn’t want Jill to get too close to him because…..
“If she leaned too close, she’d be able to feel it.”
SHE WOULD FEEL THE BULGE.
THE BULGE. HAHA. THE BULGE OF THE RING BOX.
The fact that TLC obviously edited it to include these one-liners from Derick, so us normal people could laugh at something is great.
Derick proposes and yada yada yada. Some hobos off the streets played an original song so Derick wouldn’t have to talk as much.
She says, “YES! TOTALLY!”
Then she leans in for a side hug, but her body was way too frontal for it to be considered ok.
WHERE ARE THE CHAPERONES? The point of the chaperones is to hit Derick and Jill when they do something wrong. But these Duggar siblings just SIT BACK and allow the premarital hugging. Jim Bob is going to be pissed when he sees this episode.
That’s pretty much the end of it. They go back to the Duggar mansion to tell everyone and Josie is annoying as usual.
Thanks for reading. I love y’all. But not as much as Jill loves Derick because that’s unnatural.